December 2011
18 posts
Pick A Number →
newyorker.com
Alfred Kinsey believed that human sexuality could be charted on a scale of 0 to 6, with 0 being “Exclusively heterosexual” and 6 being “Exclusively homosexual.” Owing to changing cultural boundaries and advanced research, Kinsey’s scale has recently been expanded:
0. So heterosexual that you think all other heterosexuals should be shot, because they seem a little gay.
1. So heterosexual that when a tax return or a loan application asks your gender you reply, “Straight.”
2. So heterosexual that the thought of two people of the same sex having intercourse doesn’t disgust you; it confuses you—“Wait a minute, if they’re both girls, which one falls asleep immediately afterward while the other one keeps babbling about her day?”
3. So heterosexual that when you go to see “Hugh Jackman: Back on Broadway” you can’t understand why he doesn’t just use his steel Wolverine claws to kill his backup dancers.
4. Heterosexual, yet still able to read the Times’ Arts & Leisure section without asking, “Who are Patti LuPone and Mandy Patinkin? School-board members from Staten Island?”
5. Heterosexual, but still willing to understand, at least theoretically, why two women having sex aren’t just practicing until their husbands get back from their golf date.
6. Heterosexual, yet still able to wear colors other than brown, olive green, and navy blue (but never pink or yellow, because you’re not some goddam circus clown).
7. Heterosexual, but sometimes fantasizes about bathing.
8. Heterosexual, but once, at college, glimpsed a roommate naked and thought, If everyone else in the world were dead, I would have sex with that person, as long as we both kept saying, “But everyone else is still dead, right?”
9. Heterosexual, but once, while serving in the military, made love with a same-sex partner, and afterward said either “I was so drunk,” “Wait—does that count as sex?,” or “Whoa. At least now I can check that off my bucket list, along with hot-air ballooning.”
10. Heterosexual, but during sex with one’s spouse often pictures the spouse with different genitalia sprouting from his or her forehead. This is not to be confused with imagining your spouse’s forehead as a place to hold keys, or to hang up your windbreaker.
11. Heterosexual, but while on business trips will frequently have intercourse with same-sex partners, primarily because they know the best local restaurants.
12. You identify as bisexual because you think it will double your chances of getting a date for Saturday night.
13. You identify as bisexual because you think it sounds French.
14. So bisexual that you fantasize not only about both Brad and Angelina but also about Regis and Kelly.
15. So bisexual that you get Patti LuPone and Mandy Patinkin confused.
16. Almost too bisexual, because you keep approaching straight married couples on the subway and murmuring, “The answer is yes.”
17. Homosexual, but occasionally attracted to the opposite gender, just to get your mom’s hopes up.
18. Homosexual, but willing to look at a member of the opposite sex without howling, “Dear God in Heaven, what is that?”
19. Homosexual, but sometimes still fantasizes about kissing someone of the opposite sex, as an item on a scavenger hunt.
20. Homosexual, but willing to speak to heterosexuals without muttering, under your breath, “Have you ever even been to a museum?”
21. So homosexual that both partners can achieve orgasm just by debating dream casting for the next revival of “Follies.”
22. So homosexual that you refer to you and your partner’s genitalia as “matchy-matchy.”
23. So exclusively homosexual that you made an “It Gets Better” video aimed at kids who were raised in homes without stacks of coffee-table books.
24. So overwhelmingly homosexual that you dream that Patti LuPone and Mandy Patinkin are your birth parents.
Optimism: Is it real, or just Facebook? →
bostonglobe.com
This editorial asserts that Facebook breeds optimism because it allows individuals to filter out people they deem to make offensive and/or depressing comments. Therefore, Facebook becomes a community of happy people that is designed to support you and massage your ego.
Although I see the truth in this idea, I want to take a second and point out the other side. Facebook can be quite depressing for me sometimes. It forces me to interact with people I may not like I have to maintain proper social graces. Facebook also breeds loneliness in that it reminds me I’m wasting my life away on a computer and not out doing something with “real” friends in the “real” world. Facebook is also a breeding ground for drama. Fortunately, I’ve never been involved with drama that originated on Facebook. I’d be so embarrassed with myself.
I don’t mean to imply that Facebook is all evil and out get us. But optimism, really? Perhaps in some ways but I see a multitude of other ways in which Facebook induces sadness and pessimism.
Lust SIN
BlazBlue OST
BlazBlue OST : Lust SIN
Amusing Dialogue
- Biology Teacher: So the sperm is surrounded with glucose
- student: you mean semen is like sugar?
- Biology Teacher: yeah basically
- me: doesn't taste like-
- Biology Teacher:
- me:
- student:
- Biology Teacher:
- me:
- student:
- me: whoops
Mac vs. PC
“PC is a old gay, who wears traditional and formal. Mac is a young gay, who looks modern and informal. On the other side, Mac is lighter than PC, because the old gay is fatter than young gay. In conclusion, APPLE used this form of comparison to show the benefits of Mac.”
Grand Waltz Brilliant
Motoi Sakuraba, Fryderyk Franciszek Chopin, Stanislav Bunin
Grand Waltz Brilliant
(I’m not familiar with the album but this is a great Chopin piece.)
Google is destroying your memory
Well, OK, maybe not totally destroying it, just making it unnecessary to rely on friends, libraries, books, notes, and other forms of “transactive memory” (external systems), thanks to the rise of Internet search engines, Wikipedia, and other Internet tools.
So says Columbia University psychologist Betsy Sparrow, co-author of an article in Science Express.
“Since the advent of search engines, we are reorganizing the way we remember things,” she said. “Our brains rely on the Internet for memory in much the same way they rely on the memory of a friend, family member or co-worker. We remember less through knowing information itself than by knowing where the information can be found.”
Share the Holiday Spirit (or don't be mean to people who work at retail stores)
I was doing some Christmas shopping with a relative today who, despite her normal friendly demeanor, was acting pretty bitchy today. The most annoying part of it being how passive aggressive about it she was. The defining moment was when a salesman at a department store had said, “I’m not sure what the discounts on these are but if you bring them up to the register I scan the prices for you,” and my relative responded under her brief, “Gee, that’s very unhelpful.”
Well gee, I can’t help but be annoyed by her attitude. Ironically, the holiday seasons seem to be a stressful time of year for people. At least in the United States, our capitalistic tendencies simultaneously bring out the best and worst in us. Exchanging gifts seems to put a smile on all our faces (provided that we bought the right gifts in the first place). However, the prep work involved seems to have the opposite effect, whether we are pepper spraying people on Black Friday or making passive aggressive remarks to the good folks working at retail stores.
Here’s something to keep in mind for the holidays. Please be nice to the people who work at retail stores and other locations that dispense holiday gifts and supplies. These people work long, hard hours at jobs where they have to deal with BS on a daily basis. Little comments can make or break somebody’s day. A simple smile and “thank you” really does go far! :)
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